When I heard my teenage daughter mimic this learned relationship dynamic in her young dating life, like a freight train, it hit me. This had to stop— immediately. It wasn’t until I was able to pull myself out of that horrible, co-dependent, unhealthy, abusive relationship that I realized the impact on my family. Then, like a ripple effect, I was also awakened to my other surroundings. I started to realize how many women around me were in similar situations. Maybe once you’ve survived it, your gift is the ability to recognize others still entangled so you can help them survive, too.

I unequivocally support Intro. Number 1085, calling for a program to provide access to full legal representation for domestic violence survivors in all divorce proceedings in Supreme Court related to domestic violence matters. So often, hiring competent legal counsel is beyond one’s financial capacity. In other situations, limitations might be related to the abuser’s fiscal control over the couple’s resources. In many African American and Hispanic communities, people fear the legal system and therefore will not report abuse, let alone seek a divorce they cannot afford. Allowing survivors to be adequately represented ensures their best interest is protected before the court when important decisions are being made about their future.

Intro. Number 542 is also an important step in the right direction. Helping survivors increase access to economic resources, physical safety, and legal protections is critical. But approaching providing those services in a way that is meaningful to the survivors is paramount. Service providers should be engaging in culturally-sensitive, trauma-informed approaches to assist survivors in strengthening their own capacities to address the complex issues that they face.  Helping survivors rebuild their lives include teaching someone to become capable of accessing safety, recovering from the traumatic effects of domestic violence, and reimagining their future.